Babbling

I'm still so hurt by my ex & idk if it's that I care but he betrayed me so badly. I feel like I let out my frustrations on my current boyfriend and it's just been a train wreck. I'm finally letting my guard down. I just want to get my life rolling but now he doesn't wanna love together. And I don't wanna be stuck in this shitty town I wanna get outta here. He all of a sudden is listening to all these people and it's not their relationship and they're all putting their input in and it should just be about my boyfriend and I and it's not. We wanted to love together now he doesn't. He was going to live with his girlfriend but with me it's out of the question. Just sucks and I just want to be together already but ik that's not what's best.

SELFISH

Perfect to begin with, then I felt the need to tweak certain things. In the end I warped you into something so different. I didn't like the the person I created. I became so selfish trying to fix you but you didn't need fixing you were already so perfect. Now I'm lying here tears rolling down my face. I feel so bad for trying to change you. I just want the you I started with. I know nobody is perfect. I don't know how you can say you love me all I do is put you down and try to change you. You deserve so much better than me. I'm not even nice to you. I always let my anger get the best of me and tell you everything that's wrong with you. I don't even really feel the things I've said. then I can't take back all the horrible things I've said to you. I wish I would've realized how much I already loved and cared about you before I tried to change you. I've taken you for granted. I can't even take it the things I've said, but I don't know how to make things right. I know it's been me pushing you away...

LOVE

In the spirit of valentines day I just want to talk about my perspective of love.

Love is the most amazing and desired idea in our world. We live in this world that is wrecked by love. Everybody is either looking for it, fighting for it, or trying to get over it. Our society, our earth is obsessed with it. We all yearn to be loved it's much like a wave in the ocean so beautiful and mysterious, yet will easily destroy you. Love is when two people would do anything for each other it's the greatest thing you can give someone, your love. Love out lives the good and the bad. Love is unbreakable. It's about compromise and uniting two souls as one. It is absolute acceptance. Love is so powerful and meaningful. If you are in love you have everything. It will drive you completely mad and you can't explain it all you can do is embrace the love. It can also make you the happiest possible person. I'm young still, but I know love is real and love is all. 

VALENTINES DAY

I know this is so typical, posting what I think about valentines day. I have a boyfriend so I can't say I don't like it, but honestly you're either wasting your money or wasting your tears. Nobody can win on valentines day. Nobody! Its so irritating on twitter it's either EFF valentines day or i love my boyfriend so much I'm so blessed blah blah. Like honestly everybody calm down it's really just another day like any other. I feel like girls get all crazy and expect a lot and then get disappointed when their boyfriends don't get them anything and make no plans. Anyways happy valentines day and I'm sure somebody loves you.   

SALT

On Tuesday I went to a program called Salt, that my college offers. It is basically a church service on Tuesday nights only college students go. I cannot exactly say I am a believer in god, I never went to church growing up and summers I would attend bible school just so I would be entertained while my parents worked. Anyhow off topic, I have wanted a relationship with god my whole life and I haven't really gotten the chance. At Salt we worshipped and talked about the different types of love and then we worshipped again and that was it. The whole time I was at Salt I felt a peace over me like I was meant to be there and I was where I was suppose to  be in that exact moment. I can't wait to go and I hope Salt continues to do good for me and strength my spirit.